Want someone to listen

Erased

I am tired of feeling this way. Tired. Exhausted. Sick of crying and having swollen eyes. I’m tired of these thoughts and this sadness. I feel alone. 

I watch people living their lives. Smiling and happy. Enjoying Christmas parties and their family and friends. No one notices me drowning on my own thoughts.They go about their lives and walk right past me. Fetal position crying and gasping for air and strength to go on, and they walk right past me. I am a burden. I am like a rock in their shoe, annoying and they just want to get rid of me. I feel as if I am being erased, like some weird movie montage of my life going backward. Slowly and painfully being erased. I don’t matter.

Can someone just not give up on me. Please help me. If your see me crying, its not for attention. It’s actual pain. I dont feel like I matter anymore, honestly. 

I have court today. I am petrified. Honest to God petrified. I cannot take anymore bad news. I am afraid.

I keep asking for signs. Signs things will be okay. I keep asking Jesus to be with me. Somebody be with me please. 

All i want is my baby back. I need her back. She belongs with me. 

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