Uncategorized, Want someone to listen

Betrayal

There are so many different kinds og betrayal. They all warrant a different level of pain and suffering. I have been betrayed so many times in life. This time was completely different. This was irrevocable and unforgivable. This was the kind that changes your life, fucks up everything you ever believed and kicks you in the dick, leaving you on your knees breathless and asking “Why???”

What do you do when your own family betrays you and tries to take the only thing on this planet you care about away? That one thing being my  daughter. My baby bird.

What if it’s you or own mother and twin sister and brother who are at the helm of this shit hurricane.

The layers to this story are so messy and deep, that even I cannot figure out how to explain them, or even where this story begins.

I think it all begins before my existence. I think it all begins with my mothers own up bringing and family life. Her values and standards that were created in her childhood and bestowed onto her children. These ideas festering in us in all different ways. 

She has told me of growing up so poor, having an alcoholic mother. She told me of not being properly taken care of and being made fun of for her looks. Never having money or attention.

I mean when you really think about it, childhood is where we all get our own value systems and shitty issues for us to carry into adulthood.

All in all, there is no excuses for their behavior. NONE.

As a mother myself, I cannot fathom this fuckery. I simply cannot. I used to look up to my mother. Now I cannot even say “mother” without shuddering at the mere thought of her.

This is so fucked.